This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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