how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
