Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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