Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nutella sex= disaster
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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