is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
