i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
