Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
