DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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