i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
