We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Welp...herpes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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