Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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