i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
