I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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