is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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