wanna go halves on a baby?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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