In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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