addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
