Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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