You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
