sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
