lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
