Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
