ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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