Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
