I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
