quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were trust falling into bushes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
