I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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