Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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