i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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