nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!