MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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