i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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