he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
