Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
