Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
