you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Quick, to the slutcave!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
