just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
