when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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