I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
