those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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