Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
