Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
