Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
