Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
