the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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