Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
