i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
