That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
