I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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