I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
