sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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