Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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