i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
