Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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