if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
