why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
