y did u give ur computer a hand job?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Randomize
