Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
