Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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