I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
