I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
