tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
