He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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