For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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