Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
