ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
