for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
