guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
