I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
