My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
where does the pee come out of this thing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
